Is is Spring yet??

We just finished with the biggest snowstorm in recent memory here in Roanoke, VA....over 2 feet of snow...the place I worked closed down for 3 days which has never happened before...but, we survived....it was 61 degrees today with bright blue skies...and the remnants of snow still on the ground all around.....quite a sight.....hopefully we're movin' on to warmer things... :)

What's Important In Life

I, like so many others, had been in great anticipation of Superbowl Sunday.   The media, like the fans, was expecting this to have been one of the greatest matchups of all time....quite possibly the greatest offense against arguably the greatest defense of all time....but like life, it had its results in disappointment and disbelief.    It turned out to be the most disappointing, frustrating, lopsided Superbowls of all time.   

It got me thinking about life in general and the expectations we often have of it.     We expect everything to work out in our favor...to be perfect....free from pain and frustration....oh, we'll admit to others that we don't, but deep down we do.....I mean, unless we are deceived and hell-bent for destruction, if we knew the path we were on wasn't the right one, we would change paths.   

There really are only a few important things in life....and if we get those going right, then everything else will work out...and if they don't, who cares?    Family and friends.....people......relationships at any level are the heart and soul of a life.   Whatever struggle you are facing in life....if you have that as a solid focus, you will overcome.    Financial issues, personal concerns, health, etc....these things can really take a toll on us....and can be very difficult to fix (if ever)....but if you have people in your life that you can go to...that will talk with you, pray with you, hold you....take you in if necessary....help to get you back on your feet....be there for you during the darkest times of your life......then if makes those times easier to bear...and your life can be dramatically changed because of it.....

Some are not close to their families.....is it because they haven't tried or we haven't tried?   What about our friends?   Some friends's I have (see earlier posts) have been as plastic as a milk jug.......but perhaps we need to spend some time reflecting on our own selves...our own motives.....our families are....our families....they are kind of with us for life....we need to do whatever it takes to maintain those relationships as best we can......as for our friends...they come and go in our lives....some are here for a moment...a season...several seasons...or for life...even choosing our friends wisely can lead to disappointments (see earlier posts)....but anything worth anything is worth risking for (also see earlier posts).   

A lot of rambling....thoughts racing....but in summary....holding onto the people in our lives....cultivating those relationships....giving of ourselves to the people in our lives....makes life much more bearable and worth living in this world.  

Beginning To Trust Again

All my life I have always been known to put a lot of stock and trust in my friends.   Depending of course how close of a friendship I had with people, I would for the give a great deal of myself to them.    Many of my closest friends, I would share a lot of personal information...family, secrets, hopes, dreams, etc.....of course this has always left me vulnerable, but my belief has always been that when you love somebody at any level of relationship, you should be willing to give your all towards them....be completely transparent and real....holding nothing back.    I know that is not the philosophy of most, but it has always been of mine.    Anything worth loving is worth risking for.    I would give my life for my friends.

6 or 7 years ago, I was "taken to the cleaners" by someone I had considered one of my closest and dearest friends.    I was lied to...deceived...ignored...treated like common garbage....someone I had trusted and invested a part of my life to had stabbed me in the back.    As a result of all I went through, my life was changed dramatically...I found I could no longer trust people the way I use to.   I  kept myself very guarded and closed off from any possibility of vulnerability and hurt.    The open, honest, and fun-loving people-person I use to be was scarred.    I would start to make friends, then would shirk back and many that might have normally evolved into something deeper, just fizzled away.   I had so much love to give to my friends, but I just couldn't out of fear....

Over the past few years, I have made great strides and some really great friends, and little by little, I have opened myself up to them....it has been a slow process....but a great deal of progress has been made.
I think I am now at a point where I can finally trust again....I think there will always be a small part of me that will remain guarded....a small voice whispering "be careful"....they say "time heals all wounds".....not sure about the "all" part....but there has definitely been a healing that I've experienced.   Is it possible that someone who is a close, special, loving friend to me now could eventually do the same thing?   I think yes....there are some human beings that seem to have a bent on being uncaring and selfishly hurtful...perhaps because that's how they great up....perhaps because they themselves have had hurtful and abusive relationships in their past...who knows?.....but my choice was to either go off and hide for the rest of my life....closed off and guarded, or decide to live life to the fullest...making each day a new day count for something...a new day of adventure...which will involve investing in the people I love and care for....so I choose to invest!  

I appreciate all my friends!

I've just gotten over being pretty sick with a bad sinus and chest congestion....uncontrollable coughing, muscle aches, etc......now I'm just down to a cough.    I really appreciate the concern showed by my friends while I was sick.    It is a rare find to find friends who are as true as mine are in this lifetime....ones who are "real"...who will stick by you when you're goin' thru stuff and never judge you...it's so cool!   Thank you friends!  

The weather has been just above zero degrees here lately.....kinda dreary....I'm so thankful for coffee!  :)

Later Reflections

Wow...can't believe it's been this long since I've posted here....as a matter of fact, I had even forgotten about this blog site until just today when a person from my past requested something from me that made total sense and was happy to do it......so as long as I was here, I thought I would ramble for a bit.....

Since turning a half-century last year, I have been reflecting (as I'm sure many do during this time of life) often on my past, my present, and my future.    I have learned many things over the years as I have gotten older....how to spot deceit and manipulation much quicker than I use to...how to appreciate a sunset and being still...how to focus my time and efforts on the really important things in my life and keep my priorities in some reasonable order...all while still have fun!   Life can be a real trip!

I have many friends on Facebook that by their posts, still have a lot of growing to do in that regard....the cycle of hurts and disappointments are very evident...but, they would give you the shirt off their backs if they thought you needed it.....I only have 60 friends on my Facebook list while others have hundred, even thousands.....someone asked me once why?   I told them that I have finally come to a point in my life where I know what a true friend is and what one is not. I have had my share of phony friends over the years that I feel I have a pretty good handle on who the genuine ones are.   The 60 I have on my list I would give my life for in a heartbeat....they are the ones that after the pain and heartaches of life......the disappointments and frustrations...come and go....after the smoke clears....they are still standing by you.....I appreciate them more than they will ever know.  

One thing I have learned....life is made up of a series of choices, not just chances.   Life is a great puzzle made up of thousands of pieces, each one an experience or a relationship encountered even in the smallest way.   Some of these puzzle pieces are huge, others are very small...some good and some bad....but all make up who we are.    Some pieces I want to take and frame them and hang them on a wall to look at everyday...but I can't because they belong to the whole....some pieces I just want to rip out of the puzzle, tear their corners off and stomp them into the ground....but I can't do that either....all make up who I am....I have learned to appreciate all the many, diverse pieces from my life...they are my teachers, my encourages, my bridles that pull me back onto the right road......even those "phony" pieces are all so very important that have shaped me....I love them all!

I've moved to a small town up in the Blue Ridge Mountains....a job...a good job...a slower pace...a chance to relax and also have some fun.  It's beautiful here....I still miss my home state of Texas, but this isn't a bad second choice.    You can really find yourself here.

Reflections: Kelly - A great lady I use to call my "best friend"

It's been a long time since I posted here....not that I haven't had much to say, but I say it mostly through Facebook, Twitter, and other social media.

I began reflecting on something tonight...something that I find myself thinking about from time to time...every now and then...which is the special friendship I use to have with a very special lady.  I say I "use to have" because although we use to be close for many years, some type of mental breakdown/trauma caused her to distance herself from me in a very radical way...all this with little to no explanation.   I use to always admire the love and care she had for her friends and for me...I use to look up to her as a type of role model for the sweet, steadfast spirit she displayed.....but then something dramatically changed...whether it was the mental and physical abuse caused by her ex-husband (one can only be beaten and hospitalized so much before permanent damage takes place), or just the pressures of life that made her fall apart....it still hurts to this day that our friendship no longer exists.

I still try to keep up with her now and then...although she has made it clear to stay out of her life (still with little to no explanation)...always thinking the best of her in spite of the way she has treated me...and ALWAYS keeping her in my prayers.  It would be very easy to become hardened and hateful/bitter at the way things ended up and the way she had behaved over the past few years...and even though the words "spineless", "gutless", "manipulative", "two-faced", "gamer", "lier", "deceiver", and "coward" come to mind when describing the way she has been toward me, I just cannot help but love her and have good feelings about her when reflecting on a time long ago when we had so much fun emailing, chatting, and playing yahoo games.  I still read her emails from long ago when use to tell me how much she loved and cared for me and how much she valued our friendship.  Some have told me I should just delete them and never think of them again....but I look at it like the death of a loved one....you hold on to the memories of the good and happy times even though the person is no longer with you....Praying for her everyday like I do does help in easing the pain...and my hope is that God will still richly bless her and prosper her in everything she does.

She was the best friend I ever had...hard to not think, hope, and wish the best for her........this has been my reflection....

Bored....

I keep asking myself why I keep this blog activated...I don't ever really post here...I usually do my postings in Facebook and if not there, I go to Livejournal....but it is a good place to vent, speak my ming, talk to the wall, etc.....not that I have too much to say at the moment....life is good....God is good...things could be better and I am working on stuff right now....but all in all, it's cool! I am thankful for family and good friends.....and I pray daily for all of them....even such ones as were alluded to in my previous blog....

More later....hopefully.... :)