Beginning To Trust Again

All my life I have always been known to put a lot of stock and trust in my friends.   Depending of course how close of a friendship I had with people, I would for the give a great deal of myself to them.    Many of my closest friends, I would share a lot of personal information...family, secrets, hopes, dreams, etc.....of course this has always left me vulnerable, but my belief has always been that when you love somebody at any level of relationship, you should be willing to give your all towards them....be completely transparent and real....holding nothing back.    I know that is not the philosophy of most, but it has always been of mine.    Anything worth loving is worth risking for.    I would give my life for my friends.

6 or 7 years ago, I was "taken to the cleaners" by someone I had considered one of my closest and dearest friends.    I was lied to...deceived...ignored...treated like common garbage....someone I had trusted and invested a part of my life to had stabbed me in the back.    As a result of all I went through, my life was changed dramatically...I found I could no longer trust people the way I use to.   I  kept myself very guarded and closed off from any possibility of vulnerability and hurt.    The open, honest, and fun-loving people-person I use to be was scarred.    I would start to make friends, then would shirk back and many that might have normally evolved into something deeper, just fizzled away.   I had so much love to give to my friends, but I just couldn't out of fear....

Over the past few years, I have made great strides and some really great friends, and little by little, I have opened myself up to them....it has been a slow process....but a great deal of progress has been made.
I think I am now at a point where I can finally trust again....I think there will always be a small part of me that will remain guarded....a small voice whispering "be careful"....they say "time heals all wounds".....not sure about the "all" part....but there has definitely been a healing that I've experienced.   Is it possible that someone who is a close, special, loving friend to me now could eventually do the same thing?   I think yes....there are some human beings that seem to have a bent on being uncaring and selfishly hurtful...perhaps because that's how they great up....perhaps because they themselves have had hurtful and abusive relationships in their past...who knows?.....but my choice was to either go off and hide for the rest of my life....closed off and guarded, or decide to live life to the fullest...making each day a new day count for something...a new day of adventure...which will involve investing in the people I love and care for....so I choose to invest!