All my life I have always been known to put a lot of stock and trust in my friends. Depending of course how close of a friendship I had with people, I would for the give a great deal of myself to them. Many of my closest friends, I would share a lot of personal information...family, secrets, hopes, dreams, etc.....of course this has always left me vulnerable, but my belief has always been that when you love somebody at any level of relationship, you should be willing to give your all towards them....be completely transparent and real....holding nothing back. I know that is not the philosophy of most, but it has always been of mine. Anything worth loving is worth risking for. I would give my life for my friends.
6 or 7 years ago, I was "taken to the cleaners" by someone I had considered one of my closest and dearest friends. I was lied to...deceived...ignored...treated like common garbage....someone I had trusted and invested a part of my life to had stabbed me in the back. As a result of all I went through, my life was changed dramatically...I found I could no longer trust people the way I use to. I kept myself very guarded and closed off from any possibility of vulnerability and hurt. The open, honest, and fun-loving people-person I use to be was scarred. I would start to make friends, then would shirk back and many that might have normally evolved into something deeper, just fizzled away. I had so much love to give to my friends, but I just couldn't out of fear....
Over the past few years, I have made great strides and some really great friends, and little by little, I have opened myself up to them....it has been a slow process....but a great deal of progress has been made.
I think I am now at a point where I can finally trust again....I think there will always be a small part of me that will remain guarded....a small voice whispering "be careful"....they say "time heals all wounds".....not sure about the "all" part....but there has definitely been a healing that I've experienced. Is it possible that someone who is a close, special, loving friend to me now could eventually do the same thing? I think yes....there are some human beings that seem to have a bent on being uncaring and selfishly hurtful...perhaps because that's how they great up....perhaps because they themselves have had hurtful and abusive relationships in their past...who knows?.....but my choice was to either go off and hide for the rest of my life....closed off and guarded, or decide to live life to the fullest...making each day a new day count for something...a new day of adventure...which will involve investing in the people I love and care for....so I choose to invest!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
I appreciate all my friends!
I've just gotten over being pretty sick with a bad sinus and chest congestion....uncontrollable coughing, muscle aches, etc......now I'm just down to a cough. I really appreciate the concern showed by my friends while I was sick. It is a rare find to find friends who are as true as mine are in this lifetime....ones who are "real"...who will stick by you when you're goin' thru stuff and never judge you...it's so cool! Thank you friends!
The weather has been just above zero degrees here lately.....kinda dreary....I'm so thankful for coffee! :)
The weather has been just above zero degrees here lately.....kinda dreary....I'm so thankful for coffee! :)
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Later Reflections
Wow...can't believe it's been this long since I've posted here....as a matter of fact, I had even forgotten about this blog site until just today when a person from my past requested something from me that made total sense and was happy to do it......so as long as I was here, I thought I would ramble for a bit.....
Since turning a half-century last year, I have been reflecting (as I'm sure many do during this time of life) often on my past, my present, and my future. I have learned many things over the years as I have gotten older....how to spot deceit and manipulation much quicker than I use to...how to appreciate a sunset and being still...how to focus my time and efforts on the really important things in my life and keep my priorities in some reasonable order...all while still have fun! Life can be a real trip!
I have many friends on Facebook that by their posts, still have a lot of growing to do in that regard....the cycle of hurts and disappointments are very evident...but, they would give you the shirt off their backs if they thought you needed it.....I only have 60 friends on my Facebook list while others have hundred, even thousands.....someone asked me once why? I told them that I have finally come to a point in my life where I know what a true friend is and what one is not. I have had my share of phony friends over the years that I feel I have a pretty good handle on who the genuine ones are. The 60 I have on my list I would give my life for in a heartbeat....they are the ones that after the pain and heartaches of life......the disappointments and frustrations...come and go....after the smoke clears....they are still standing by you.....I appreciate them more than they will ever know.
One thing I have learned....life is made up of a series of choices, not just chances. Life is a great puzzle made up of thousands of pieces, each one an experience or a relationship encountered even in the smallest way. Some of these puzzle pieces are huge, others are very small...some good and some bad....but all make up who we are. Some pieces I want to take and frame them and hang them on a wall to look at everyday...but I can't because they belong to the whole....some pieces I just want to rip out of the puzzle, tear their corners off and stomp them into the ground....but I can't do that either....all make up who I am....I have learned to appreciate all the many, diverse pieces from my life...they are my teachers, my encourages, my bridles that pull me back onto the right road......even those "phony" pieces are all so very important that have shaped me....I love them all!
I've moved to a small town up in the Blue Ridge Mountains....a job...a good job...a slower pace...a chance to relax and also have some fun. It's beautiful here....I still miss my home state of Texas, but this isn't a bad second choice. You can really find yourself here.
Since turning a half-century last year, I have been reflecting (as I'm sure many do during this time of life) often on my past, my present, and my future. I have learned many things over the years as I have gotten older....how to spot deceit and manipulation much quicker than I use to...how to appreciate a sunset and being still...how to focus my time and efforts on the really important things in my life and keep my priorities in some reasonable order...all while still have fun! Life can be a real trip!
I have many friends on Facebook that by their posts, still have a lot of growing to do in that regard....the cycle of hurts and disappointments are very evident...but, they would give you the shirt off their backs if they thought you needed it.....I only have 60 friends on my Facebook list while others have hundred, even thousands.....someone asked me once why? I told them that I have finally come to a point in my life where I know what a true friend is and what one is not. I have had my share of phony friends over the years that I feel I have a pretty good handle on who the genuine ones are. The 60 I have on my list I would give my life for in a heartbeat....they are the ones that after the pain and heartaches of life......the disappointments and frustrations...come and go....after the smoke clears....they are still standing by you.....I appreciate them more than they will ever know.
One thing I have learned....life is made up of a series of choices, not just chances. Life is a great puzzle made up of thousands of pieces, each one an experience or a relationship encountered even in the smallest way. Some of these puzzle pieces are huge, others are very small...some good and some bad....but all make up who we are. Some pieces I want to take and frame them and hang them on a wall to look at everyday...but I can't because they belong to the whole....some pieces I just want to rip out of the puzzle, tear their corners off and stomp them into the ground....but I can't do that either....all make up who I am....I have learned to appreciate all the many, diverse pieces from my life...they are my teachers, my encourages, my bridles that pull me back onto the right road......even those "phony" pieces are all so very important that have shaped me....I love them all!
I've moved to a small town up in the Blue Ridge Mountains....a job...a good job...a slower pace...a chance to relax and also have some fun. It's beautiful here....I still miss my home state of Texas, but this isn't a bad second choice. You can really find yourself here.
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